Interviewsand Articles


The Wall

by Tatyana Apraksina, Jan 4, 2020



When the Wall is Built…
When the wall is built that separates one’s own world from the general one, from the general highs and lows, then each exit to the outside and each return to oneself becomes an entrance to freedom, its attainment.

Without division, freedom is unreachable. The outer world’s surface is wide, but lacks channels for passage to self-immersion in spaces closed for the general layer of understanding and unaccounted for by the rules of regulated discourse. For such discourse, these spaces do not exist, not fitting into it. Although it likes to feed upon their fruits. But the inner world, one’s own, can become a prison of one’s own dimension, with its own inherent lows and highs. Any freedom tends to turn into non-freedom; sometimes it is useful to look at any freedom from the side.

The outer is inadequate without the inner, as is the inner without the outer, as is the west without the east, as is the east without the west.

A change of dimensions, an alternating shutter: sometimes from without, sometimes from within. The shutter is essential. Mentally, psychologically, spiritually. And physically, too, no less. The wall is a guardian of the integrity of sovereign worlds. Only in being sovereign can they communicate adequately and fruitfully. Each world has its own needs, incompatible with any other; its own requirements, criteria and kitchens — and their product becomes valuable when, prepared, it reaches the Different — a different layer, a different dimensionality.

A wall is a condition and guarantee of freedom, a tool for sublimation that is entrusted to those unenticed by the fate of the Flying Dutchman — he doesn’t care where he sails, lacking any prospects of feeling solid ground underfoot. For him, boundless expanses and non-stop movement are not freedom, but captivity and a curse.

Chaos is good only in that its tyranny gives rise to division. Compels separation. Building a wall. A wall forces into overcoming that wall. Into overcoming oneself. Into learning not to notice walls, not to be stopped by them. A wall connects no less than it divides.

Transformation-transmutation-transubstantiation are the means that form a transition, that open a path to freedom, that are themselves this path and this freedom. And to have somewhere to transition from and to, everything must remain true to its definition and its walls.

So let the inner remain inner, the outer outer, the west west, the east east, the sea sea, and the land land. Without this, we can see no mountains, no rivers, no islands, no whales. Just as, without walls, we will get no doors, no windows, no thresholds we dare to find and cross over, following the call of Freedom.  


About the Author

Tatyana Apraksina is an artist and writer who also produces the magazine Apraksin Blues. A native of St. Petersburg, she maintains a studio in Oakland, Calif. Other English translations of her work include California Psalms. 


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